Offscreen deaths are only counted if they're
mentioned in the show. When taking into account big battles or massacres, I've
deferred to either the show's wiki pages at the Game of Thrones Wikia, or when
this information was hard to come by, I looked at the source novels by George
R.R. Martin himself. If neither was possible, I made a guesstimate. Terribly
scientific, I know.
#32. The Golden Company (N)
- Kills? 0
- Who? A mercenary army from Essos
- Motto: “Our word is good as gold”
- What should be their motto: “We had one job.”
- Fate after S8: Obliterated
The Golden Company was touted as a superior
fighting force, shipped in from Essos by Euron Greyjoy’s fleet and paid for by
Cersei after plundering the Reach, paying back her debts to the Iron Bank in
one fell swoop. It felt like a masterstroke at the time, but seeing as the
Golden Company ignominiously went down without putting so much as a dent into
the combined Targaryen-Stark-Arryn forces, their fall was both anticlimactic
and one of the genuinely lugubriously funny moments of S8.
#32. House of the Three-Eyed Raven (N)
- Kills? 0
- Who? Formerly Brandon Stark, now the
wheelchair-bound robot king of Westeros
- Motto: unknown
- What should be their motto: “Bleep bloop”
- Fate after S8: Ruling the Six Kingdoms
Installing Bran as a compromise king, elected
by peers rather than being decided through descent, doesn’t seem that dumb of a
move seeing as he’s impartial and smart and has no sordid history with any
other major player. However, succession is sure to look pretty messy. Will Bran
appoint or search for a new Three-Eyed Raven himself, as he was chosen by his
predecessor? Will the Great Houses convene again and elect their king? The
latter seems like a recipe for disaster, and while his Small Council is now
full of friends and allies who have known each other for a long time, no one
knows what it will look like in the future. If Bran will live as long as his
predecessor, at some point his Council will be filled with new people who don’t
share a sense of camaraderie and joint sacrifices. Still, being responsible for
0 deaths (at least on-screen) is kind of an accomplishment on its own! For now.
#32. House Blackwater (as Paramount House of
the Reach) (N)
- Kills? 0
- Who? Bronn, everyone’s favourite mercenary, now
in charge of the Reach
- Motto: unknown
- What should be their motto: “There’s no cure
for being a cunt.”
- Fate after S8: Ruling the Reach
Bronn is perhaps the biggest ‘winner’ to come
out of the War of the Five Kings and the War of the Two Queens. There’s no
deaths we know he’s responsible for after the demise of Daenaerys, but it seems
unlikely Bronn’s rule over the Reach will be without its, ah, thorns, so to
speak. Still, well done, buddy. But invest in some god-damned shampoo, you can
afford it now.
#32. The Iron Bank and Braavos (-5)
- Kills? 0
- Who? The Switzerland of Essos
- Motto: “The Iron Bank will have its due.”
- What should be their motto: current one’s fine
- Fate after S8: Presumably still banking
The Iron Bank is a dreaded institution for its
ability to back hostile armies or contract killers like the Faceless Men if
people are likely not to pay their debts. Still, they do not kill any people in
the series. I doubt they’re happy with Bran the Broken as king. Sure, he seems
to have brought stability, but since he knows everything, outwitting him or
forcing his hand in ponying up debts looks pointless.
#28. The Lhazareen (-2)
- Kills? 1
- Who? A pastoral people from South-East Essos
- Motto: unknown
- What should be their motto: a progressively
higher wail as they go up in flames
- Fate after S8: Unknown, but likely not a
pleasant one
Derisively called the 'Lamb Men' by the
Dothraki, they live up to their soft reputation by boasting the lowest kill
count higher than zero. Yet, their one kill is a big one: the witch Mirri Maz
Duur is saved from being raped and killed by the Dothraki by Daenaerys, and
repays the favour by turning a sick Khal Drogo into a bed-ridden, comatose
shell of his former self. Even if Dany herself ends up mercy killing Drogo,
it's clear who got the ball rolling.
#27. Free animals (-)
- Kills? 3
- Who: Just animals. Not direwolves or dragons.
- Fate after S8: Being animals
I made a miscalculation in my previous rundown
on this list. Yes, a stag kills Robert Baratheon and another stag kills a
direwolf, but I forgot the stag that killed the direwolf also didn’t survive
the encounter. Symbolism, y’all. Also any faction that ranks after animals,
except those that are very new or explicitly pacifist, are losers. Just saying.
#26. The Faceless Men (-)
- Kills? 10
- Who? An order of religious assassins operating
from the city of Braavos in Essos
- Motto: “Valar morghulis. Valar dohaeris.”
- What should be their motto: “Not today.”
- Fate after S8: Still out there at Braavos
Despite being a heavily talked-up faction and
possessing a supernatural prowess at killing and remaining unseen, the show's
tally of kills from the Faceless Men remains rather low. But that's what they'd
want you to believe, no? Their finest moment is when Jaqen H'gar helps Arya
Stark escape Harrenhall and conveniently, sneakily kills a few Lannister
soldiers. Arya’s kills don’t count for the Faceless Men – she was never truly
loyal to the House of Black and White.
#25. Commoners (-)
- Kills? 15
- Who? The proletariat
- Motto: none
- What should be their motto: *sound of manure
hitting Joffrey’s face*
- Fate after S8: Not being burnt to a crisp
anymore by dragonfire or returned from the dead to fight for the Night King.
Progress!
Though they mostly remain an anonymous mass of
dirt-caked faces, the commoners have shed their fair amount of blood, ranging
from the Riot of King's Landing when the unsufferable Joffrey gets hit with
shit to the alleyway kills the former slaves make on their masters when
liberation from Dany's forces is imminent in Meereen.
#24. House Martell (-)
- Kills? 16
- Who? The Great House of Dorne, the southernmost
of Westeros' Six Kingdoms
- Motto: “Unbowed, unbent, unbroken.”
- What should be their motto: “I am Inigo
Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.”
- Fate after S8: They have a new Prince! We never
learnt his name! He doesn’t matter!
House Martell appears to be all talk and no
action. Even worse, part of their paltry kill score is killing their own, with
the Sand Snakes and Ellaria's power grab. They also managed to kill a teenage
princess and a captain buried to his neck in the sand. Seven hells, even
supreme cool guy Oberyn couldn't fully kill the Mountain and got his head
bashed in instead.
#23. The Qartheen (-2)
- Kills? 21
- Who? The city of Qarth is a rich trade city in
the south of Essos
- Motto: unknown
- What should be their motto: “Come for the
orientalist motifs, stay for the unresolved plot points.”
- Fate after S8: Unknown
Like House Martell, the majority of victims
attributed to the Qartheen are their own. Xaro Xhoan Daxos and the Undying
conspire to kill the city's Council of the Thirteen and murder a few more
random people in a bid to gain control of Dany's dragons and become the city's
top dogs. It doesn't work out well for them.
#22. The Dothraki (-3)
- Kills? 54
- Who? Nomadic warriors from Essos
- Motto: *glowers in Dothraki*
- What should b- fuck off they’re too cool for
that
- Fate after S8: Unknown. Have they settled in
Westeros now? What remains of them in Essos?
Before joining Dany in her quest to “tear down
the stone houses and kill the men in their iron suits”, the Dothraki were
already a force to be reckoned with. Then again, killing Lhazareen or fighting
each other to the death isn't really that impressive. 54 is a bit of a paltry
number, but that’s only because the Dothraki’s kills counted for House
Targaryen’s after they joined Dany’s forces.
#21. Sandor Clegane (-2)
- Kills? 80
- Who? The Hound, the myth, the legend
- Motto: none
- What should be his motto: “Those are your last
words: ‘fuck you’?”
- Fate after S8: Rest in peace, Sandor. At least
you managed to take your horrible brother down with you.
After he says "fuck the king" and
before he travels with the Brotherhood Without Banners, the Hound racks up an
impressive kill count all on his own. He has literally carved out a place
of (questionable) honour for himself in the list of killers by being able to
outdo 12 other groups as a single man.
#20. The Children of the Forest and the (Old)
Three-Eyed Raven (-2)
- Kills? 131
- Who? Ancient inhabitants of Westeros and a guy
who melds with a tree
- Motto: unknown
- What should be their motto: “Mistakes were made.”
- Fate after S8: Still dead
Arguably, the Children are to blame for most of
the horrible things the living have to go through by creating an undead menace
they couldn’t control. They also lured a crippled boy to a decrepit old man’s
creepy sex cave. They did go out with a blast, though. Emo tree status: still not
amused.
#19. The Sparrows and the Faith Militant (+7)
- Kills? 302
- Who? An order of religious fanatics and, well,
simple animals, respectively
- Motto: “Stars and swords”
- What should be their motto: “Shame!”
- Fate after S8: Whoever survived the explosion
at Baelor’s Sept and Dany’s destruction of King’s Landing is likely keeping a
very, very low profile
For all their religious fervour, the Sparrows
boast very few actual kills. Although we can assume they did murder their fair
share of people they deemed corrupt or not having sex the way their holy writ
prescribed it, the show only has two people killed by them. I decided not to be
so strict this time: there is absolutely *no* way these bastards didn’t kill
more people, so I’m tossing them a few hundred extra.
#18. The Brotherhood Without Banners (-)
- Kills? 344
- Who? Worshipers of the Red God who claim to
fight for the commoners
- Motto: unknown
- What should be their motto: none works fine
- Fate after S8: Presumably gone
Though Beric Dondarrion may or may not be dead,
the Brotherhood was a thorn in the side of the Lannister forces occupying the
Riverlands, and some of their men broke bad when they slaughtered a group of
innocent people founding a new village. Lem Lemoncloak will not be missed, but
he did rack up the Brotherhood's kill count, even if most of the casualties
were defenceless people. At least his cloak kept the Hound warm.
#17. Mountain Clans of the Vale (-1)
- Kills? 402
- Who? Semi-barbaric inhabitants of the Mountains
of the Vale in Westeros
- Motto: unknown
- What should be their motto: *laughs raucously
in Vale*
- Fate after S8: Presumably same as it ever was –
raid a few people, living a raw life
After his release from the Eyrie, Tyrion and
Bronn pick up the Mountain Clan warriors along the way and have them fight with
the Lannister forces. Their kills happen mostly off-screen, but we can infer
they were a vital part of the Lannister army. Presumably they’ve returned to
the Vale and still regale each other with stories about fighting for the
‘Half-Man’ and cutting off a terrified Pycelle’s beard.
#16. Disease, old age and natural disaster (-1)
- Kills? 1,011
- Motto: -
- What should be their motto: -
- Who? Ye olde death that comes for everyone in
the end
- Fate after S8: It’s the human condition, stupid
Perhaps it is surprising that even in the
ultra-violent world created by George R.R. Martin and the ‘Game of Thrones’
show, natural deaths, disasters and diseases still claim the 16th
spot on the list, defeating regular armies, clans and trained killers. Yet,
it’s true. To be fair, the largest part of them include the wights who were
stupid enough to drown to their final fate when they tried to cross the ice to
get at Jon Snow and his Magnificent Seven, though they also include important
characters like Hoster Tully and maester Aemon Targaryen.
#15. The Sons of the Harpy and the Ghiscari
Alliance (-3)
- Kills? 1,199
- Who? Slave masters and former slave masters
from the Essosi cities of Meereen, Yunkai and Astapor
- Motto: none
- What should be their motto: “Nooo you can’t just free all the slaves it
will destroy the economerino” - “Haha slave chains go cloink”
- Fate after S8: Unknown. Perhaps they might rise
again if they know Daenaerys is dead.
It’s not easy to pinpoint a truly exact number when
it comes down to this loose coalition of slaver city-states and former masters.
What’s certain is that their threat proved to be more resilient and enduring
than Dany and her followers had expected, frustrating viewers and characters
alike. It remains to be seen whether her show of power with the dragons and
leaving Daario in place as her steward put a definitive end to the slave
masters’ misgivings (and killings).
#14. House Tyrell (-3)
- Kills? 1,251
- Who? The Great House of the Reach in Westeros
- Motto: “Growing strong”
- What should be their motto: “I want them to
know it was me.”
- Fate after S8: The House is extinct and is
replaced by House Blackwater.
House Tyrell was never one for wanton
destruction or great warfare. They waited almost two full seasons to actually
join the War of the Five Kings when they joined the Lannister host to decide
the Battle of Blackwater. After that, they were often seen doing anything but
fighting, and when their best soldier, Randyll Tarly, turned cloak for the
Lannisters, their chances to inch up higher in this list were almost as dead as
their entire House.
#13. The Night's Watch (+2)
- Kills? 2,095
- Who? The guardians of the Wall up North in
Westeros
- Motto: “I am the shield that guards the realms.”
- What should be their motto: “Second-guessed by
every little twat.”
- Fate after S8: Unknown. Is there any Night’s
Watch necessary at all anymore now that the Wall is down and the relations with
the Free Folk are presumably alright?
Clocking in a solid number of almost 2,100, the
Night’s Watch kills include a menagerie of Free Folk, giants and their
occasional fellow crows. It's not known whether they still exist at all now since the Wall has been breached at at least two points, the White Walkers are dead and the Free Folk are presumably pacified.
#12. House Frey (as House Paramount of the
Riverlands) (-)
- Kills? 2,200
- Who? The short-lived Great House that usurped
control over the Riverlands after they participated in the Red Wedding to
unseat House Tully
- Motto: “We stand together.”
- What should be their motto: “Oh yes, I said
some words.”
- Fate after S8: Still dead. Unknown who took the
Twins.
While no great soldiers themselves, the
cowardly slaughter that was the Red Wedding did help the Freys break into the
top 10. Possibly one of the most hated and despised Houses in Westeros, their
time as House Paramount of the Riverlands was short-lived. Without the support
of the Lannisters and the Boltons, they were a bunch of cloying amateurs who
managed to get themselves killed by one person.
#11. Free Folk / Wildlings (+1)
- Kills? 2,201
- Who? Human tribes who live beyond the Wall
- Motto: none
- What should be their motto: “We do not kneel.”
- Fate after S8: Livin’ it up beyond the ruins of
the Wall, presumably led by Aegon VII the Unwilling and Tormund
The Free Folk would have killed more people if
the Night’s Watch wouldn’t have been so direly understaffed and if Stannis
Baratheon hadn’t shown up to relieve the siege of Castle Black, cutting through
the Free Folk like butter, with his horses, armor and longswords. Still,
killing 2,200 people is nothing to sneeze at. One wonders if the Free Folk at
the Wall and those presumably settled in the North still count as Free Folk, or
as bound to House Stark – and if they will matter at all. Most of their
fighting men are already dead or are zombies. Yes, they have technically one kill more than the Freys, but I think that's a number both symbolical and also on the low side.
#09. House Bolton (as House Paramount of the
North) (-2)
- Kills? 4,549
- Who? The short-lived Great House that usurped
control over the North after they participated in the Red Wedding to unseat
House Stark.
- Motto: “Our blades are sharp.”
- What should be their motto: “A naked man has
few secrets. A flayed man has none.”
- Fate after S8: Extinct. Unknown who has taken
the Dreadfort.
The Boltons got in their share of kills for the
Starks in the early phases of the War of the Five Kings, and then turned on
their Great House at the Red Wedding. The Boltons further drove out the
ironborn from the North in cruelest ways imaginable, and then delivered
Stannis’ final defeat at Winterfell. Their fortunes turned after Sansa escaped
and Ramsay thought his gleeful sadism was going to let him keep the North
forever.
#08. House Greyjoy (-)
- Kills? 5,722
- Who? The House Paramount of the Iron Islands, surprisingly
one of the Six Kingdoms
- Motto: “We do not sow.”
- What should be their motto: “What is dead may
never die.”
- Fate after S8: Still one of the now-Six
Kingdoms, led by Yara Greyjoy
Most of the ironborn’s battles are fought
off-screen or only seen in fragments, but they seem mostly adept at killing
their own, with Euron’s ‘Red’ Greyjoys delivering a crushing defeat to the
‘Black’ Greyjoys Theon and Yara in the early stages of the War of the Two
Queens. Euron was a discount Ramsay Bolton but at least he managed to keep them in the top 10.
#07. House Arryn (+2)
- Kills? 10,203
- Who? The House Paramount of the Vale in
Westeros, one of the Six Kingdoms
- Motto: “As high as honor.”
- What should be their motto: “I think not.”
- Fate after S8: Still one of the now-Six
Kingdoms, led by Robert Arryn
These falcons earned their wings in a large
part thanks to their timely intervention at the Battle of the Bastards, mowing
down the exhausted ranks of the Bolton armies, which looked like they were
going to win against a severely outnumbered rag-tag coalition of Northmen and
Wildlings. They also fought at the Starks’ side in subsequent battles, and at
the Dragonpit Council, even sickly little Robert looked at least something like
a normal person now!
#06. House Tully (-1)
- Kills? 12,020
- Who? The House Paramount of the Riverlands, one
of the Six Kingdoms
- Motto: “Family. Duty. Honor.”
- What should be their motto: “Something smells
fishy.”
- Fate after S8: Still one of the now-Six
Kingdoms, led by Edmure Tully
Likely the biggest surprise on the list, and largely
due to Edmure – yes, Edmure – who took a chance at personal glory in the
off-screen Battle of the Stone Mill, where he defeated a huge Lannister host
but took so many casualties that it was, in fact, a Pyrrhic victory. Permanently
reduced to the status of laughing stock thanks to Edmure, who apparently sat
around and did jack shit during the Last War.
#05. House Baratheon (-1)
- Kills: 13,159
- Who? The House Paramount of the Stormlands, one
of the Six Kingdoms
- Motto: “Ours is the fury.”
- What should be their motto: “It’s hammertime.”
- Fate after S8: Still one of the now-Six
Kingdoms, led by Gendry Baratheon
Most of House Baratheon’s kills come from the
branch of Stannis, whose troops killed their fair share of men in three major
battles – the Blackwater, the Siege of Castle Black and the First Battle of
Winterfell. Robert and Renly are no match for Stannis’ bloody deeds. And
they’re still around now, too, thanks to Gendry, who bravely upheld the family
tradition of destroying things with big hammers. Robert toasts to his bastard
son from the grave.
#04. House Lannister (-2)
- Kills: 18,170
- Who? The House Paramount of the Westerlands, one
of the Six Kingdoms
- Motto: “Hear me roar.”
- What should be their motto: “Family is all that
matters.”
- Fate after S8: Still one of the now-Six
Kingdoms, led by Tyrion Lannister
Embroiled in the War of the Five Kings from the
very beginning and one of the few Great Houses left standing in its aftermath,
the Lannisters have proven to be a resilient and cunning force more than adept
at bloodshed. That the Lannisters still exist at all is a testament to the
family’s sense of shrewdness, although S8 did them a dirty by progressively
having the otherwise smart Tyrion make baffling choices and destroying Jaime’s
redemption arc.
#03. House Stark (+4)
- Kills? 78,219
- Who? The House Paramount of the North in
Westeros, briefly deposed by the Boltons, later re-emerged as the independent
Kingdom of the North
- Motto: “Winter is coming.”
- What should be their motto: “I'm a slow learner.”
- Fate after S8: Independent kingdom led by Sansa
I Stark.
The Stark’s kills are attributed to a great
number of loyal Houses connected to them as well as individual battles (under
the command of Robb or Jon) or fights they got embroiled into (Arya, Ned). The
Starks are not the biggest killing machines in Westeros, but they are by far
the most consistent, getting in a few kills almost every episode. The Hound was
right when he predicted to a frightened Sansa her brothers would all become
killers. He just failed to account for the fact that so would she and her
sister.
#02. The White Walkers and the Wights (-1)
- Kills: 136,928
- Who? An army of ice zombies commanded by
supernatural frost-like humanoids
- Motto: none
- What should be their motto: none
- Fate after S8: Wiped out completely
It was never their trophy to win, but they
tried very, very hard. In fact, they would have won it all had it not been for
those pesky kids (*shakes Night Fist*), though they had already been generously
helped by a number of massive strategic blunders from the Coalition of the
Living that looked awesome on-screen but fell apart as soon as you thought
about them in a coherent fashion. I don’t think there has ever been a televised
battle that looked as insanely cool and had such production values while at the
same time laughably dumb from a military point of view.
#01. House Targaryen (+2)
- Kills: 266,172
- Who? The ousted royal house of Westeros. 'Won' the War of the Two Queens. Got stabbed.
- Motto: “Fire and blood.”
- What should be their motto: it’s… oddly fine as
it is
- Fate after S8: Extinct
Jumping from third place to first in just one
season is all the more impressive when you consider that the White Walkers
started out incredibly far ahead. My estimates are even a bit on the
conservative side, given that Dany almost completely destroys King’s
Landing, which by GoT’s counts is a city of about a million inhabitants. S8 was
right to portray Dany as the eventual villain, but they unfortunately did it in
such a ham-fisted, stilted way that her turn to madness never felt earned and
plainly contradicted the way the show portrayed her as a bad-ass feminine hero.
It also never helped that despite her best efforts, Emilia Clarke is not the
kind of actress to sell this sort of role, even if she had a lot of its tics
and nuances down to a t. Blame the directors, if anything.